Life stuff...

The past couple of days have sucked lots. I'm bummed out and having a hard time hiding it. I feel like if I don't pretend to be happy that my dad will feel guilty. Fucking lameness. On Wednesday, I made chili. It wasn't bad, I suppose. Everyone ate it without complaint. I made homemade seitan and put it in there, they thought it was mushrooms. Whatevs.

Then, I went into town to hangout with my middle school best friend. It was awkward to say the least. She was already lit by the time I got there and I was pretty uncomfortable. The point of no return was when I decided that it would be a good idea to smoke pot with her. I got waaaaaaaaaaay too fucked up, wretched my guts up all over the toilet for a half an hour and then made up a bullshit excuse, fled the hotel and drove home. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I'm such an asshole to people that drink and drive and I did it anyways. Like an asshole. Fucking depressing.

Home life hasn't been much better. Dad has been seriously antsy. He can't accept that he's not completely capable and I think he's just going to have to get hurt before he understands. Whatever. I can't convince him. He was being a dick last night about the food I cooked. Like I'm so fucking happy to be eating diet food. I'm getting really sick of his snarky comments. It makes me not want to even try to cook stuff that tastes good. Tonight he wanted to get Japanese take-out. So we did. I guess once a week isn't bad and at least it was chicken, not red meat.

I bought a food processor today. I hope it's amazing. I've never had one.

Hope this weekend is better than the past couple of days. I need to focus my shitty energy into getting our stuff unpacked and rearranged. My room is so gross. I can't believe I'm living with my parents. My life is such a joke.